Strategies For Non-Gambling Family Members

1. Protect and care for yourself in an appropriate way. You may need someone to talk to and sometimes it is more beneficial to talk with people who are familiar with the problem.
   
   
2. It is normal to feel that you have been betrayed if your partner or family member has lost the housekeeping money, house payment or family saving. You have a right to your feelings.
   
   
3. It is normal to be angry when you have been hurt. Learn to express that anger appropriately [not destructively] by possibly first talking to a trusted friend or counsellor before expressing your hurt and anger to your family member or partner.
   
   
4. Trying to take control of the other person’s life won’t work.  All that will happen is that your own life will become increasingly unmanageable and you will become increasingly unhappy.
   
   
5. Relate to the gambler as an equal person, both adult. Avoid adopting an attitude of a protective parent.
   
   
6. Nagging will not help the situation. Use your experience and energy to decide upon some appropriate course of action to change your personal situation – change yourself.
   
   
7. Allow the gambler to accept responsibility for their own actions.   By you accepting responsibility for their behaviour ultimately does them a disservice. How will they ever learn to do things differently if they are being supported in their current behaviour?
   
   
8. Be truthful and let the person gambling conduct their own financial business. Let the gambler deal directly with any creditors, an employer or business associate. This may help them face the situation realistically and decide to make changes.
   
   
9. Maintain separate bank accounts and credit cards if you think this is necessary or helpful. You may wish to seek Financial Counselling and encourage your partner to attend with you.
   
   
10. DO NOT LEND THE GAMBLER MONEY.  If the person who is gambling can borrow money, another person is sharing the responsibility.  If I am an occasional gambler I may be tempted to lend money to a friend who is having ‘hard luck’.  That action may not be the most helpful in the long run.  There are other ways to be supportive of the person without being supportive of their behaviour.  Remind yourself of this quote:
    
    “The gambler will play as long as someone else will pay”
    
    
11. Paying debts on behalf of the person with a gambling problem is not helpful in the longer term. In some instances the non-gambler will be wise to seek legal advice and explore the options that may be open to protect his/her own personal, financial and family interests.
    
    
12. Remember in seeking legal or other advice you are exploring your options. You are exploring the extent of your freedom.  Consider all the options before you take action and when you act, do so deliberately and responsibly.
    
    
13. Choose your time to communicate your feeling to the person who is gambling. Explain that these feelings are a warning sign that gambling is costing you more than money. It may be costing time, the marriage, family, personal character, human love and home.
    
    
14. Convey to the gambler that you want to help and support them where appropriate and that you can recognise some of the struggles they are facing.
    
    
15. It is important for you to stand beside them in their struggle not to carry them. You may choose to say “I can’t do this for you but I will be with you whilst you do it”.
    
    
16.  If you need to talk, ring the Gambling Care office on 62470655 for support.

To print out these strategies, click here to download the pdf file version.